Pondering on the Plane

This always happens on plane rides.

I think.  I ponder.  Sometimes too much. I roll stuff around in my brain and try to look at things from every possible point of view.  I ramble on to myself.

…or in the jeep on the way to the airport at 5:45am much to Paul’s delight.  Yep nothing like a caffeinated wife to get your day started.  

I’m back to blog writing. It is an exercise that I strayed from partially because of not feeling well  but mostly out of fear.

When I write I am an open book.  If I am feeling it I am typing it.  And that can lead to hurt.  But it can also lead to much joy.

I have been active on Facebook.   I like the format.  Small slices of daily life. “Good Mornin’s” and virtual coffee’s with banter, High Fives over successes and words of support and prayers when things take a wrong turn.  Even thru times of great stress in our country, when unfortunately some forget that harsh words don’t disappear always with a flick of the delete key I still like Facebook. I like the connection. 

Friends….some new…some old, drift in and out of timelines much like real life.   Yes I like Facebook it is a wonderful way for me to keep in touch with far flung friends.  But I like to write.   Full paragraphs.   Complex thoughts.  I’ve journaled privately.  But I like the feedback, the sharing.  Blogs are just Facebook on steriods.  Although some might look at it as Facebook are petite blogs.  Whatever.  I plan to do both.  I’m chatty sometimes.   :)

My blog will cover creative endeavors along with slices of daily life as before.  Your gonna get it all and sometimes it isn’t all pretty.  I am human. 

That brings me to today’s thoughts as I fly above the earth on my way to Denver.

I can’t believe Paul and Emily are seniors in college.  I know every parent has this moment and it is nothing new and earth shattering.   Seniors in college.   I am so very proud.  And I know right now they are full of trepidation and anxiety over what course their lives will take in the next few months.   And my job is to assure them that things will work out and no matter what there is always room for them at home, although neither truly wants to have to take us up on that offer. And we as parents celebrate that.  We raised them to be independent. 

I think it is dawning on Paul too.  We are done.  Not done as parents.  That never ends.   But  sense of it’s time for just us again.  Yes we have had “empty nest” for now almost 4 years, but now it feels different. 

And this is exciting.   Some plans are forming.   Nothing major as of yet.  But we are vowing to tackle some of those “someday” ideas and “wish we could” plans.

And some of you have asked gently, and no my parents and sisters still do not communicate with us.  This still makes me cry occasionally…like now on the plane. just one tear. Six years later I realize I cannot make them like me.  My sadness is not for me but for Paul Jr. & Emily. They were removed from their lives simply because they are my children.  So unfair.  But yet that speaks volumes.   I write this knowing my parents will read this, along with my sisters, they will be mad.   But I am sad.  Sad they kept me from writing for so long.  Sad they will not see Paul & Emily in cap & gown.   Sad they have missed their blooming into wonderful, fun, and caring young adults.   No longer mad….but sad.  

So thanks to all of you that apparently still are willing to wander over to the blog for a look when a new post shows up in your feed.   I know I have said several times before I promise to get back to blogging and then fell short on it.  Fear and trepidation kept me from it.  

So my lesson here is for Paul & Emily, (yes Paul I know you are eye rolling right now as I am too long winded for you)  sometimes fear and trepidation happens and we can’t always control the factors that bring it upon us.  What we can control is our fortitude and just simply carry on.  Things will fall into place.  I believe this.  I know you do too.  It’s in your genes.

love, mom.